


You're My Wonderwall

by Teal_The_Baker



Series: Malec One Shots (Human AUs) [19]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hopeful Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:40:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29554359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teal_The_Baker/pseuds/Teal_The_Baker
Summary: Human AU where Alec finally confesses his feelings to a distraught Magnus. There's just one tiny problem. Magnus is still dating his longtime girlfriend, Camille.
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Camille Belcourt
Series: Malec One Shots (Human AUs) [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1784086
Comments: 33
Kudos: 81





	You're My Wonderwall

**Author's Note:**

> Please be warned, this one-shot is fairly angsty without a clear happy end, though there is hope in the ending.
> 
> All characters belong to Cassandra Clare.  
> Some lines from the show/books may have been repurposed for this fic.

Alec walked into Magnus’ loft, a man on a mission. He knew something was wrong from the day and a half of no contact and the missed lunch they were supposed to have over two hours ago. He knew he should have been, but he was not wholly prepared for what he found. Magnus was passed out, face smooshed sideways into the couch cushions, and there was an empty bottle of scotch laying on its side on the floor next to him.

“What did she fucking do this time?” Alec breathed, dropping his keys on the table by the door and noting that Magnus didn’t even budge from the noise.

Alec bent down and checked Magnus’ condition. He was breathing heavily but steady. It looked like he hadn’t thrown up so he probably hadn’t drunk it all in one go, but rather throughout the course of the last day or two. Next, he went to the bathroom, just to be sure it didn’t look like there were any pills out of place.

He came back, stood over Magnus, and just watched him for a minute. How could he hurt so much for this man? Every time she did something, Magnus would run to Alec, and Alec would be there for him silently dying a thousand deaths on behalf of his friend. Because that’s all they’d ever be. Friends. Why couldn’t Magnus see that Alec would never dare hurt him the way that she did? That he could love this man with his whole heart and cherish him? Because, in truth, that’s what he was already doing.

Whatever had happened must have been truly awful if he didn’t come to Alec at all this time.

Alec knelt down and steadied his legs, scooping Magnus easily into his arms and carrying him to the bedroom. When he had Magnus settled under the covers he went out to the kitchen, filled Magnus’ preferred glass with water, and grabbed the bottle of aspirin from the cabinet next to the fridge. After placing the water and two tablets on Magnus’ nightstand, he settled himself into the high-backed chair in the corner of the bedroom, placing it in such a way so Magnus would see Alec as soon as he woke up, whenever that might be. He picked up one of Magnus’ books off of the bookcase and opened it to the bookmark two-thirds of the way in.

After the sun had set, Alec went back out to the kitchen and took stock of the contents. He noticed that there was no trash or dirty dishes lying around, so Magnus probably hadn’t eaten any time recently. At least Chairman Meows’ food looked fresh and mostly full, but Magnus would always take care of the cat before himself. And of course, the fridge and pantry were woefully barren. So Alec ordered takeout that would be easy to reheat and some basic groceries that would be delivered first thing in the morning.

When the delivery person arrived with the takeout, Alec opted to meet them downstairs in the lobby, so as not to disturb Magnus. He had a few bites of the different dishes of Chinese food then put the rest in the fridge. Then it was back to the chair in Magnus’ room. Sometime around midnight he fell asleep, curled up in his favorite blanket, Chairman Meow resting fitfully in his lap.

Alec woke to the feel of his phone vibrating in his pocket informing him that the groceries were waiting downstairs. After checking to see if Magnus was still okay, noting that Chairman Meow had moved to cuddle his owner sometime in the night, he quickly ran his fingers through his hair and did his best to straighten his wrinkled clothing.

Having come back upstairs with the food, Alec started making breakfast, not caring quite as much about any noise, deciding that if Magnus wasn’t up on his own by the time the food was ready, he’d go wake him himself. Magnus had slept plenty and definitely needed to eat something at this point. He was grateful then that he didn’t end up needing to invoke that particular skill when, a few minutes later, a bleary-eyed Magnus shuffled out of his bedroom.

“Alexander?” Magnus croaked from his dry throat.

“You obviously didn’t drink the water I left for you. Here.” Alec shoved another glass of water and the bottle of aspirin across the countertop toward Magnus. He could open his own damn medicine container at this point for all he cared.

Magnus took the container and opened it slowly. After taking a few and downing half of the water he turned back to Alec. “What are you doing here?” he asked softly.

“Making breakfast,” Alec answered stoically. He was trying not to be pissed off at Magnus, but it seemed to be bubbling to the surface whether he liked it or not.

“Why?”

That one word opened the floodgates and before he could process what was happening, Alec spun on his heel to face Magnus and blurted out the first thing that popped into his head.

“Because I fucking love you, you idiot.”

_Well, shit._

That just happened. How had he been able to keep that in for years and then just like that, it was out in the air where he could never take it back?

“Oh.”

That was all Magnus had to say. Alec just declared his love to his best friend and all Magnus had to say about it was, ‘ _oh_ ’? And Alec could’ve sworn he saw the flicker of something in Magnus’ eyes before he looked back down. Like awareness. Like recognition. Like he already knew. Alec watched Magnus sit on a barstool at the counter in silence and his heart broke a little more. Of course Magnus knew. He just never said anything because he didn’t feel the same and he didn’t want to lose his best friend.

When Magnus said nothing further, Alec turned to the food and settled back into its preparation, trying with great difficulty not to take his hurt out on the plate in front of him as he dished out the food. He put a plate together for Magnus then set it in front of him. Magnus took a few slow, purposeful bites and noticed that Alec was just watching him eat.

“Aren’t you going to eat anything?”

“I’m fine,” Alec grumbled.

“Please, Alexander,” Magnus begged softly.

 _Damn you, Magnus._ Even now, Alec knew he couldn’t say no to him, especially when he said his full name like that, like no one else ever did. Alec turned and put together another plate of food before coming around the counter and sitting next to Magnus. They ate in silence until Magnus pushed his plate away from himself, still half piled with food.

“You should eat some more,” Alec pushed. “When was the last time you ate?”

“I’m not hungry,” Magnus mumbled. Alec pushed back from the counter to stand up, causing his stool to scrape across the floor with a grating noise and he watched Magnus wince from out of the corner of his eye. He picked up their plates and walked around Magnus and back into the kitchen while Magnus just watched him silently.

“Fine.” Alec went right to the drawer that held the food storage containers and pulled out what he needed to put the extra food away. When he was done and the dishes were soaking in the sink, Alec turned to find that Magnus had left, disappearing as silently as he’d appeared.

Alec found Magnus in the living room once again, back on the couch, but this time seated, with his knees pulled to his chest. Wordlessly, Alec walked into the room and sat down next Magnus, close, but not quite enough to be touching.

“How long have you been here?” Magnus asked into the room.

“Yesterday afternoon.”

Magnus nodded his head as he took that in and the implications. “So you-?”

“Yeah,” Alec answered, knowing that Magnus was asking if he had done what he always did, making sure he would be okay.

“You always take such good care of me. I don’t deserve you.”

After a few minutes of silence, Alec couldn’t take it any longer. “Are you going to tell me what all of this was about?”

“I asked Camille to marry me,” Magnus answered hollowly.

Alec’s heart splintered further from the cracks that had slowly been building. He wasn’t sure how many more fissures it could maintain before there was more broken than whole and it would all come crashing down finally. “Oh.”

But then why had Magnus fallen into a drunken stupor? He should be ecstatic. He should be over the moon. As much as he didn't want it, he needed the rest of the story. “Did she not?”

“She said yes.” Magnus still would not look at Alec. Alec couldn’t remember the last time he had gone this long in his best friend’s presence without feeling the power of those spectacular eyes focused on him for at least some small fraction of time.

“Magnus, congratu-” but the rest of Alec’s words died on his lips as those very eyes finally flicked to his, devoid of any of the sparkle he knew so well and absolutely cherished. Eyes that told Alec that Magnus knew now just how empty those words would be and he had no interest in hearing them from Alec’s mouth.

“Then, why?” Even now Alec knew he didn’t need to elaborate what his question meant. It was part of what he felt made them so good together. They understood each other’s shorthand. They knew when the other needed them without asking. Knew everything about one another. Everything but Alec’s feelings, that is, or was, until today.

“I told her I was going to lunch with you and that I was going to ask you to be my best man.”

Alec’s heart lurched again. Every time he thought the pain couldn’t get any worse, the knife seemed to be able to twist again. He tried to picture himself trying to be happy for Magnus on his wedding day, standing at the alter with Magnus facing the wrong direction, trying to give a best man speech. He wasn’t sure how he would get through it.

“She laughed,” Magnus continued. “Said it was time to put you out of your misery.”

So Camille had known. Alec had to admit, now that it was out there, he wasn’t surprised. He had always thought that when she smiled at him it was too syrupy sweet.

Magnus continued, but his voice remained dry and cold, no sign of the velvety softness Alec had grown to love so deeply over the years. “She said she had put up with this emotional affair for long enough and that if she and I were going to be married, it was the two of us and there was no room for you.”

Alec hissed as he inhaled quickly, finally understanding where this was going. “She gave you an ultimatum.”

“You or her,” Magnus confirmed.

It was one thing for Alec to finally admit his feelings and have Magnus tell him all he wanted was Alec’s friendship. In that case, they would be where they had already been and they would find a way to move on. But this? He wasn’t ready to lose Magnus entirely. Alec began to consider that Camille had been waiting for this, that it had been her plan all along. If Magnus was ready to propose, her claws were finally in deep enough to do the real and lasting damage. Alec scooted away from Magnus on the couch. He wasn’t sure he was ready for how this conversation would end anymore and he felt the overpowering urge to protect himself, though he wasn’t sure how.

Magnus seemed to snap out of his trance when he had felt Alec move away from him on the couch. “Alexander, I don’t want to lose you.”

“But you want to _marry_ _her_ ,” Alec spit out bitterly before he could stop himself.

Magnus shook his head. “I don’t know _what_ I want anymore. But you have to know, I didn’t know about.. your feelings. If I had known, I never would have. I mean, I would have-”

At Magnus’ hesitation, Alec jumped in, knowing the answer but knowing Magnus would never say it. “What would you have done, Magnus? It was always her. No matter how many times she has treated you like shit, no matter how many times you’ve broken up, you always get back together. One of you crawls back to the other and the cycle starts all over again. And she’s your high school sweetheart. How the fuck am I supposed to compete with that? I never told you because all I wanted was to know you and for you to be happy. But look at you. You’re not fucking happy. She only makes you miserable. Why can’t you see that?”

“I do see it,” Magnus answered barely above a whisper. He scooted down the couch toward Alec until he was close enough to take his hands. “I know that. But it’s complicated.”

“It’s really not,” Alec breathed. “What did you tell her?”

“What?” Magnus blinked. For the first time in a long time, Alec could see that Magnus had lost track of what Alec was asking him.

“The ultimatum,” Alec clarified with a deep sigh, hating that he and Magnus were no longer on the same page with everything. “What was your answer?”

“I told her I needed time,” Magnus answered, looking up to Alec hesitantly to gauge his reaction. Alec was sure all he could see was pain and anger. “Please understand. I really didn’t know. So this is all hitting me at once. The more I thought about it, the more I realized you both were right.” Alec blanched at the idea that he and Camille could have anything possibly to agree on. “I was a complete idiot for not seeing it.” _Oh_. “And the more I thought, the more I wondered if I didn’t allow myself to see it. Because how could I ever hope to deserve to be loved by someone like you?”

And that’s when Alec’s heart shattered. Not for any pain caused to himself, but because here was the man he loved so dearly thinking he didn’t deserve every bit of love that existed. Alec let go of Magnus’ hands and reached up so he could cradle Magnus’ face between his palms, making sure Magnus was looking at him and really listening to what he was about to say.

“You should be with someone who knows how special you are,” Alec replied without any sign of doubt. “Not with someone who makes you think, even for a moment, that you don’t deserve all the love in the world.”

Alec watched Magnus stare back into his eyes. He didn’t know what else to say to get it through to Magnus his true worth. But then he felt Magnus’ face moving in his hands and he realized that Magnus was leaning in to kiss him. Alec quickly pulled back just in time.

“Please don’t,” Alec whispered, voice breaking with pain.

“Shit,” Magnus hissed as he scrambled to the other side of the couch. “Alexander, I’m sorry.”

Alec dared not look up to Magnus’ new location. He was still trying to restart his heart after it stopped when Magnus had only been a breath away from the kiss he had spent far too long dreaming of. “You’re still with her.”

“No, you’re absolutely right,” Magnus agreed quickly. “I wasn’t thinking. I would never. That’s not me. And that wouldn’t be fair to any of us.” Alec glanced up and watched Magnus shake his head in the way he was all too familiar with, like the shaking could clear away all the lies he’d been told his entire life. “You and I could never hope to be anything real if that was how we started.”

“Is that what you want?” Could Alec allow himself to hope at this point? Everything still seemed much too tenuous. “I won’t be a rebound. I can’t. If we go there. I won’t ever be able to go back.”

“I... understand,” Magnus replied slowly. “But I think I do. Want more. I love you, Alexander. Not quite the way that I am realizing you love me. But in a way that I think could turn into that if it was allowed to be nurtured and developed.”

Alec didn’t know how to respond. He wasn’t sure if that was enough. He wasn’t sure Magnus was anywhere near ready. “I think you should see a therapist or a counselor or something.” He watched Magnus furrow his brow before he responded.

“Alexander, I’ll be fine.”

But Alec knew Magnus too well. He knew that ‘I’ll be fine.’ He had heard it enough times whenever Magnus and Camille had broken up in the past. Magnus was the furthest thing from fine.

“No, I don’t think you will,” he challenged. “You’ve let this woman manipulate and demoralize you for years. You don’t understand what I’ve watched you go through, how I’ve watched you slowly change as time goes by as she constantly tears you down. As much as I love you and want to be with you, I don’t think we can be anything real until you sort this all out.”

Alec watched Magnus carefully to see if he would take in this suggestion or push back. Magnus looked back at him and nodded slowly.

“But you don’t have to do it alone if you don’t want to,” Alec added carefully. “I’ll go with you and be by your side, like I always have been, if that’s what you need.”

Magnus sighed and shifted over just enough to be able to take one of Alec’s hands in his own. “Okay.”


End file.
